The Hidden Struggle: Insecurity in Leaders

How often do you feel insecure—unqualified for what God is asking you to do? Feeling insecure at certain times is a common human experience, even for leaders; however, constant feelings of insecurity are a symptom of heart issues that stem from a fear of rejection, failure, or judgment by others. These feelings can be rooted in early life experiences or past trauma, and are often exacerbated when God is transitioning you from one assignment to another.

Today, I would like to share four lessons with you from the life of a leader whose insecurity led to his demise. You’ll see how his insecurity was heightened as he transitioned into his new role and also as he transitioned out. His name is Saul. The story of Saul’s rise and fall is, in my opinion, a classic example of what can happen when the garden of your heart is left unattended.

Saul viewed himself as the least suitable candidate to be king, hailing from the tribe of Benjamin, historically the smallest of all the other tribes because they had nearly been annihilated during the time of the Judges. Saul’s initial response to Samuel after learning that he was God’s choice for king, went like this, “But I'm only from the tribe of Benjamin, the smallest tribe in Israel, and my family is the least important of all the families of that tribe!” (1 Samuel 9:21).

Saul was so afraid that he tried to hide when the time came for him to be appointed. He was found hiding among baggage (1 Samuel 10:22). Just take a moment and picture that. Saul was 32 years old at this time. This had to have been an awkward and embarrassing moment for Him. In addition to his insecurities stemming from his familial status within his tribe, he stood out like a ‘sore thumb’ because of his height. He stood head and shoulders above his peers, according to Scripture (1 Samuel 10:23). Imagine growing up believing that your family is the least important within your tribe, and then being noticed everywhere you go because of your height. Are you getting the picture? But, despite Saul’s cowardly behavior, Samuel obeyed God and anointed Saul for his new assignment.

Lesson #1: Like Saul, we’ve all had “But I’m only…” moments. These are moments when we forget that it’s not about who we are, but it’s about who HE IS. Perfection will never be a prerequisite of being used by God, because that would eliminate everyone. He does not consider your awkwardness, insecurities, or family history when He invites you to join Him in accomplishing His purpose. This is because He doesn’t expect you to rely upon your strength; rather, He wants you to lean completely upon Him, which is where Saul eventually goes wrong, but we’ll get to that in a bit. What is your “But I’m only…?”

The Bible says that a few men of valor supported Saul because God touched their hearts (1 Samuel 10:26). However, other people whom the Bible refers to as wicked said, "How can this man save us? And they despised him and brought him no present" (10:27). Saul heard this but, the Bible says, he kept his peace. In other words, he ignored them. Saul wasn't everyone’s choice, but he was God’s choice, and that was all that mattered.

Lesson#2: When you transition into God’s purpose for your life, there will be those who will celebrate with you and those who will be disgruntled. Not everyone is going to like or appreciate what God is doing as He moves you into His purpose. Some of your peers may feel threatened and others may feel that you are simply not qualified. But remember sister, you are God’s choice! He qualified you! He has no interest in the opinions of others and neither should you. Your desire to please Him must always be greater than your desire for acceptance by man.

It was clear that Saul’s insecurities were there before he was appointed king, likely due to the trauma of his tribe's near annihilation years earlier. Did you know that insecurity is merely a perverted manifestation of pride? It makes you fear that everyone is thinking about YOU in a disapproving manner. Where Saul is concerned, I believe the pride in his heart was magnified after he became king and won several battles by God’s Spirit. These issues of fear and pride plagued him until it resulted in him disobeying God by offering a sacrifice instead of waiting for Samuel (1 Samuel 13:7-10).  

Lesson#3 As you are promoted sister, the issues of your heart will inevitably be exposed. It's crucial for you to maintain a posture of humility and regularly pause to self-examine to stay aligned with God and obedient to His will.  Always remember that any victories you achieve are by God's power and not yours. A leader who fails to regularly self-examine and excavate the issues of their heart will eventually be overrun by them and the opinions of men, instead of being led by God. This is when you find yourself LWHP— Leading Without His Presence.

When David was chosen and anointed to replace Saul as king, the Spirit of God left Saul and was replaced with a tormenting spirit (1 Samuel 16:14).  During this time of transition, Saul's fear and pride transformed into a consuming jealousy, leading him to make repeated attempts on David's life following David's victory over Goliath and other triumphs in battle.  God was with David, but things did not end well for Saul.  During his final battle with the Philistines, an injured Saul took his own life to avoid being captured and tortured (1 Samuel 31:4).

Lesson#4 This is a hard lesson but true. Like Saul, God can remove His anointing as well as remove you from the very position He placed you in. So, never think that you are the only one who can do what God appointed you to do.  While it’s true that no one else can thwart God’s purpose for your life, YOU can derail it—by not managing your heart. Insecurity seems harmless, but it is the little foxes that spoil the vine (Song of Solomon 2:15-17).

As we await the return of our Lord and Savior, Yeshua Hamashiach, may our hearts cry, as leaders and emerging leaders, always be echoed in these verses.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: test me, and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life” Psalm 139:23-24.

The KING’S Daughter, and Your Sister!

Wanda